Ethan Week 5: I Love You, but I Also Love Fried Rice
I love my family. I love my friends. I love sleeping. I like scrolling. I like shopping. Most of all, I love food. But how can you use the same word to describe your feelings toward your family and a bowl of fried rice?
In almost all the portrayals of an American family in movies that I have watched, the word “love” seems to be juggled around in the context of everything. It’s thrown around so much that there is no difference in meaning between “I love that” and “That's nice.” It’s used so casually that I feel like the word “love” is secretly a double agent. We use it to express our deepest emotions while also to express the shallowest feelings of joy. A funny reel that your friend sent you on Insta? Love it. Your teacher postpones that one dreadful test you and your friends have been crying over? Love that. Finally getting tickets to a concert that your mom originally refused. Love her. It can communicate affection, excitement, happiness, or simply the fact that our food tastes really good. It really has become that “go-to” word we use everyday.
Growing up in a Chinese family, however, I’ve never heard my parents casually say “I love you,” or the Chinese translation, “ζη±δ½ .” Likewise, I’ve never said in Chinese “I love this food so much.” It’s always more like “I like this food so much.” This stark difference came to me after my American friend said “Love you mom” before hanging up on a call with his mom. I looked at him with a puzzled face, tilting my head with one eyebrow perked up. He looked back at me with the same puzzled look, asking me what was wrong. I shook my head and privately collected my thoughts. In Chinese families, love is often communicated through actions rather than words. Whether it’s cutting up fruits, telling me to always eat more, or warning me to bike slowly to school everyday, these small gestures communicate love without ever actually needing to say it. This obviously does not apply to every Chinese family, but it contrasts with the casual way Americans often express love verbally.
Neither form of affection is better than the other; however, if we use the word “love” for everything, does its meaning become more shallow? Luckily, I believe it doesn’t. Even though saying “I love you” and “I love this fried rice” have the same vocabulary, nobody would ever interpret these statements the same. The context and tone of the phrase allows Americans to easily distinguish the two. So although I don’t literally love my food, I can still say that I love my family and my dad’s fried rice at the same time without sounding weird.
Hi Ethan! Your blog was really compelling! I especially liked your use of parallel structure in describing different things or situations that people “love.”
ReplyDeleteI can relate to never really hearing the word “love” while growing up. In reading your post, I realized that I actually don’t know the Malayalam translation for the verb form of “love,” because people never use it, not in everyday conversation or in the media.
I liked how you compared the dynamic of typical American families to your own. I agree that in American families, love is shown more verbally, whether it be actually saying it or talking about how you’re feeling. Though, I can’t really think of an explanation for why the American dynamic is more verbal.
Your various examples throughout your blog were really detailed, which made your blog even more interesting! I really enjoyed how you described the scenario with your American friend talking to his mom. I also agree that context matters when you use “love” to describe how you feel about something, and that it doesn’t lose its meaning just because you might use it for everything.
You hit the nail on the head with this brilliant reflection! Language holds a strange power over how we process real affection. The stark contrast between casual chatter and quiet care shows just how differently cultures express devotion.
ReplyDeleteActions often speak much louder than any polished speech ever could. A plate of neatly cut fruit appearing on your desk says more than a quick “love you” before hanging up the phone. Parents show their affection through persistent nagging about safety or making sure your plate stays full.
Your conclusion lands perfectly. Swapping the same vocabulary between family and comfort food never dilutes true connection. Human intuition decodes the real sentiment instantly. You laid out this linguistic puzzle with wonderful heart and nuance!
Hello Ethan! Wow, thinking about it now, I never realized how often I use the word “love” in a variety of different contexts, just as you said. “Love” is a strong word, and I feel that it probably should not be thrown around so easily in comparison to synonyms that would be better suited for a certain situation.
ReplyDeleteI personally connect love with something deeper than just merely liking something. It’s kind of like the difference between being friends with someone versus pursuing a romantic relationship. You wouldn’t say that you love your friend if you weren’t interested in being in a relationship would you? Same goes with merely liking your romantic partner. “Liking” them doesn’t feel right, and a stronger word like “love” feels appropriate in that context.
In my family, and honestly in all situations, I feel that actions are always louder than words. It’s so easy to tell someone you love them, yet you act in the complete opposite way and disappoint them. That’s why so many relationships fall apart. There honestly isn’t any perfect fix to this issue. Perhaps we should all be more careful with what we say, and to instead act how we feel more.
Sorry to go on a little side tangent, but I can say from the bottom of my heart that I loved fried rice myself. In fact, every Thursday, my dad and I cook fried rice for dinner. It is a tradition that is dear to me, and I will always appreciate the dish for the rest of my life for that reason. Maybe it isn’t that I love the dish itself, but rather, the emotions it evokes within me when seeing it. Great blog!
The opening question that you posed about using the same word for your family and a bowl of fried rice was honestly brilliant (In my opinion). I think the contrast between the American “I love you” and the more action-based forms of affection in Asian cultures is deeply relatable. The post reminds me of all the unspoken moments of love between me and my parents, and the very spoken moments of love with my significant other. Context gives words power, and I love her very differently than I could ever love a hot bowl of food, but I definitely love that food too.
ReplyDeleteHello Ethan! I loved reading your blog, and it’s really interesting how you have shown that there are many different ways to show love in different cultures. Comparing the Chinese family was really interesting because I never really thought about how people use the word love so freely. I really liked the example you gave of how your friend said, “Love you, Mom.” This really demonstrates how things that we may see as normal can be seen as strange by someone from a different culture. I agree that sometimes actions can be used to show love as much as words can, especially within families. I don’t think that using the word love freely takes away from its meaning as always, your blogs are super insightful.
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